I Repeated the Cycle I Swore I’d Break—Then I Finally Broke Free

I grew up in Long Beach in a very traditional Mexican household. My father was a complete macho male. My mother’s role was to serve him. 

She literally had to take off his shoes when he got home from work, then feed him before any of us could eat. He controlled us through fear and twisted mind games. When he really wanted to intimidate us, he’d pull out his guns and clean them right in front of us. There was always yelling, always crying. 

I spent my childhood looking for a way out. I promised myself I would never end up with someone like my father. 

But that’s exactly what happened. 

When I was 14, I started dating a guy a year older than me. On the surface, he was nothing like my dad. 

But slowly, he began isolating me from my friends. Then came the controlling behavior and mental abuse. He told me he’d kill himself if I ever left him. It was my first relationship, and I didn’t know what to do. 

At that time, I was working as a student aide at Interval House. I’d been going since I was five, when my mom’s friend encouraged her to “volunteer.” In truth, that friend was quietly guiding my mom toward help and a different way of living. 

Interval House opened my eyes. 

For the first time, I saw strong women standing up for themselves and supporting each other. In my house, you weren’t allowed to speak about what was really going on. 

But at Interval House, women of every different color and culture shared their feelings openly. It made me want to become one of them. 

Interval House shaped the person I would become in other ways, too. They sent me to etiquette, acting, and speech classes to encourage me to dream bigger.

Still, I was too ashamed to tell anyone what was happening with my boyfriend. One day after school, he said he had a surprise for me at his house. When I refused to do more than kiss him, he opened a drawer, pulled out a gun, and took out two bullets: one for me, one for him. 

I ran. 

After that, I couldn’t stay silent anymore. I confided in a friend at Interval House. The most incredible thing was that she believed me, with no judgement. I didn’t think anyone would. That unconditional support gave me the strength to stop answering his calls and ignore him at school. 

Later, fueled by my experiences and the training I received, I co-founded the Second Generation Teen Violence Program at Interval House. 

Now, I speak to students all over Southern California about domestic abuse–sharing my story so others know they aren’t alone. Amazingly, teens today are getting involved to raise awareness of this issue, even if they haven’t been directly impacted. I’m inspired to see young people who want to make a difference.  

If I could talk to my younger self, I’d tell her to hang in there–it gets easier. Everything she’s going through will make her stronger. Moreover, I would tell her how proud I am because she has grown up to become everything she dreamed of.